By Adebola Karamah Shogbuyi, PhD
The 2025 UTME season came with its share of expectations, surprises, and sobering realities for students, their parents, guardians and leaders championing the course if education.
It is noteworthy to recall that while our children sat for exams that could shape their academic future, we, too, were tested: in our patience, understanding, and ability to lead with wisdom. In the heat of national conversations about scores, systems, and fairness, I found myself both observing and learning as a concerned parent and educator. Below are the personal lessons this year’s UTME experience taught me about parenting with emotional intelligence and leading with courage and clarity.
First, intelligence goes beyond books. Emotional Intelligence is core skill required in parenting. As we all probably know, academic seasons are stressful, and children, no matter how bright, feel the weight of expectations. As parents, it is our duty to develop our emotional intelligence to sense their fears, recognise their struggles, and respond with empathy, not pressure. Our calm can be their anchor.
Parents also should bear in mind that results are not everything, our reactions are! When results arrive, especially when they are lower than hoped, resist the urge to scold or shame. This is when your child needs support the most. Listen first, speak gently, and show that your love is not tied to a score.
Moreso, reflect, rather than merely react.Compare the present performance with the past. What changed? Was it anxiety, burnout, overconfidence, or something external? Only a thoughtful review can lead to meaningful insight. Never assume; always assess.
You should also not underestimate talking to your child, not talking at them. An open, honest conversation after results can heal and help. Let your child tell their side. You might discover untold burdens or unnoticed growth. This dialogue builds trust and resilience. Be present, encourage effort over perfection and growth over grades. Do not forget to speak up respectfully, when in doubt. If something seems off, like a suspiciously low score, do not stay silent. Ask questions, file complaints, and advocate for your child, but always with evidence and courtesy.
You should also teach fairness and fortitude. Help your child seek justice when necessary, but also teach them that life does not end with one failure because in life, the reality is that we pass at some points and sometimes fail. Let them know: setbacks are not full stops. They are commas in a much bigger sentence. Suicide should NEVER be an option!
On the flip side, this experience highlights what true leadership means, whether in homes, offices, or public institutions. Leadership requires strength. It is not a role for the faint-hearted. Real leaders bear the burden of responsibility, even when it is hard or can be misunderstood. In it, integrity is non-negotiable. A leader must embody authority, yes! but with integrity, accountability, and a deep sense of responsibility. Without these, power crumbles.
I have learnt much earlier that criticism is one of the elements that hones a leader. This experience further reiterated it. It is crystal clear that even the most honest leaders will face backlash. But integrity shines brightest under scrutiny. Lead anyway, but be led by your by values, not applause. Do not be swayed by popular opinion. Let your convictions shape your actions, not the need for validation.
My reflections and lesson is an opportunity to salute Prof. Ishaq Oloyede, the present JAMB Regustrar. In the storm of this year’s UTME, I saw a rare example of leadership in him: courageous, responsible, empathetic, and responsive. He modelled what we need more of in our beloved country, Nigeria. We need leaders who are not just efficient, but also ethical.
Lastly, speak up for what is right and pursue them respectfully. Advocacy, when grounded in truth and dignity, changes systems.
These were my lessons. Perhaps you learned a few of yours too?
