Responding to the question – What makes men half responsible these days?’ asked by Hon. Kunle Yusuf, a politician, I’ll like to start by saying that there are two questions woven into this seemingly simple question.
There is the issue of ‘What makes a man responsible?’ on the first hand and ‘Do men naturally want to be irresponsible?’ on the second hand.
Let’s take a look at the first hand and what it entails to be a responsible man.
By man, I want to say that we’re talking about married men and fathers here.
A responsible man knows that there are bills to pay – some are time bound and some are ongoing. And in our traditional settings, some come upon you when you’re not prepared as in the case of in-laws.
Talking about in-laws, being responsible towards them should be a choice. So, we can leave that for now.
There are basic bills for married men such as the provision of accommodation, feeding and such others as electricity, health care and clothing.
Should a man provide for all these things when he has a working wife?
It is a major discussion that should come up before the wedding knots are tied.
Couples should know in advance what their expectations are and they should be practical about dealing with each matter. If possible, they should have these things written down and tick against what is conveniently available for each item.
If the man agrees to the ones he can provide WITHIN HIS MEANS and he starts failing for no reason, then he can be classified as irresponsible (whether half or fully irresponsible depends on his level of irresponsibility).
Timing matters a lot in the order of being a responsible man. Knowing in advance what is expected of you and being able to work towards meeting deadlines makes you either responsible, half responsible or totally irresponsible.
Being ready to willingly do what you’re committed to also says a lot about you. If the wife has to cry and beg before you do what you have chosen to do, then you know you’re not very responsible.
Commitment to duties even when your wife is not behaving well defines you. Her own definition is that she’s bad. No long story.
Let’s now look at the other hand.
A man who doesn’t have a job to do what is expected of him is not irresponsible but incapable. Most men want to be men and that means being responsible.
A man who refuses to bow to pressure of being forced to pay school fees beyond his means is not irresponsible but considerate and a real man.
A man who refuses to take in-laws needs as part of his duties is not irresponsible. He might be stingy (if you want to call him that if he has loads of money that he can’t use it when needed).
You may call him wicked if father-in-law is sick and he can afford to help with small money but he’s pretending not to have.
You can even call him a shameless man is he visits his in-laws on a Sunday, afternoon, finishes their food and wine and even manages to carry some takeaway bowls home; but he’s not irresponsible.
Until men and women are real about their needs and wants and what is available, most men may not actually be as irresponsible as we think.
